the most wonderful time of the year ... according to me ♥

i don't usually get personal on the blog

but's it's nice to change up the pace sometimes

and life has been, well...

sorta personal lately

we always go apple picking every year in October

it's tradition

and i think this season is one of the best things about living in upstate NY

(cause it sure doesn't have anything to do with the season after it)

(blah)

NY is called the empire state ... not becuase of it's apples

i think it's cause the empire state building

right?

yeah ... pretty sure

the hubs likes empire apples

so this is where we usually park

that' my brood

including my dad 

:)

minus my mom ... she was away on a trip

we were sad she wasn't with us

it didn't feel the same

i'm thankful for my parents

they love my family

they support us

and most of the time, they're not that weird

it was late in the season

but still so many apples

tons on the ground crushed and broken

it always seems like such a waste

but they smell so good

that's me.

and my hottie.

i like him

♥

yeah ... i do

my girls are growing up so so fast

not fast enough to be drinking coffee

she's just holding that for daddy

she likes to sneak sips

and daddy lets her get away with it

our family is changing

families do that ya know

you change ... your spouse changes

your kids are constantly changing

and you have to make adjustments

re-learn things

then just when you get comfortable

the cycle starts again

i don't think God wants us to be comfortable in our relationships

i think He wants us to be active & alert

always on the look out for things we can do better

things we can improve

ways we can serve & love better

we're learning...

i'm learning

it's a constant work in progress

this life is...

somedays i just wish the wisdom

could be accquired all together at one time

so it wouldn't be a trial and error type thing

but that's not His Design for us

and that's what i want to embrace

as hard and as unsure as it is sometimes

the farm we go to has a cute little store ... 

i wanted to take all the things home with me

and those tomatoe crates ... i tried to get a few

just by themselves

they very kindly told me they weren't for sale

but the peppers inside were

:)

too bad no one in my family likes peppers

weird. i know.

“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” 
―Anne of Green Gables

please linger just a little longer fall

you came and went too fast

♥

much love

and if not.

sometimes i get comfortable

very comfortable

and life just isn't comfortable guys

it's messy.

it's ugly.

it's hard.

two huge things i've already known 
but came to life for me these past few weeks

 joy.

happiness.

joy & happiness.

yeah those two things.

they seem like they go together don't they

when really fact of the matter is

they're nothing alike

they're just. nothing. alike.

they are competing forces

happiness is based on the things of this life.

temporary things

things that make us smile and feel good for a time.

but then the moment's gone

 sometimes it's just the everyday

sometimes it's sadness

sometimes it's grief

disappointment

hard things

and the moment is gone

sometimes it's a moment you thought would never leave

or change

but it's gone.

that's when joy steps in

or does it.

it only steps in if we let it.

i struggle to see past the yucky (non-happy)

moments enough to let it in.

...long enough to let it in.

i need to fall back

fall back on something

someone.

Someone.

i just can't do it on my own

i'm learning to fall back on the Giver of Joy

the one who through the worst suffering 
of a slow & painful death on a rugged piece of wood

was elated with joy. to give His life for mine

last time i checked i'm not on a rugged piece of any kinda wood

i don't have nails in my hands

and i'm really not slowly suffocating to death

to be honest i'm sitting in front of a bright screen

in a beautiful home

with a cup of hot chocolate

and.

it has whipped cream

yeah.

whipped cream

joy

in every sense of the word

based on those criteria

should be easy to find

easy to apply

it should always be around

but it's not.

and i want it to be.

i'm desperate for it

i'm tired of being a slave to my emotions. my feelings

a slave to things i can. not. control.

yeah those things.

i'm tired of them. 

they exhaust me.

but joy.

God help me see it

help me feel it in Your Presence

in Your Light

let it soak into the deepest darkest places that i did not even know were hidden

revealing all the yuck 

let it be my song

let it be my song

always.

so i'm thinking...
if joy had a motto
like a slogan sorta...
it would be this

the print was drawn by me :)
you can purchase a copy in my shop
and i will mail it to you all fancy like on some nice paper


coincidentally ... 
(don't really believe in coincidences, but anyways...)
our pastor talked about this very thing Sunday in church
and this post had been sitting in my draft folder all week

his sum up of the word joy...

" it's the internal confidence that comes from knowing & trusting God 
regardless of what's going on externally"

wurd.
hard truth.
but truth.

i'm here 

:)

i'll be back soon.

just takin' a break.

to work on some stuff.

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