and if not.

sometimes i get comfortable

very comfortable

and life just isn't comfortable guys

it's messy.

it's ugly.

it's hard.

two huge things i've already known 
but came to life for me these past few weeks

 joy.

happiness.

joy & happiness.

yeah those two things.

they seem like they go together don't they

when really fact of the matter is

they're nothing alike

they're just. nothing. alike.

they are competing forces

happiness is based on the things of this life.

temporary things

things that make us smile and feel good for a time.

but then the moment's gone

 sometimes it's just the everyday

sometimes it's sadness

sometimes it's grief

disappointment

hard things

and the moment is gone

sometimes it's a moment you thought would never leave

or change

but it's gone.

that's when joy steps in

or does it.

it only steps in if we let it.

i struggle to see past the yucky (non-happy)

moments enough to let it in.

...long enough to let it in.

i need to fall back

fall back on something

someone.

Someone.

i just can't do it on my own

i'm learning to fall back on the Giver of Joy

the one who through the worst suffering 
of a slow & painful death on a rugged piece of wood

was elated with joy. to give His life for mine

last time i checked i'm not on a rugged piece of any kinda wood

i don't have nails in my hands

and i'm really not slowly suffocating to death

to be honest i'm sitting in front of a bright screen

in a beautiful home

with a cup of hot chocolate

and.

it has whipped cream

yeah.

whipped cream

joy

in every sense of the word

based on those criteria

should be easy to find

easy to apply

it should always be around

but it's not.

and i want it to be.

i'm desperate for it

i'm tired of being a slave to my emotions. my feelings

a slave to things i can. not. control.

yeah those things.

i'm tired of them. 

they exhaust me.

but joy.

God help me see it

help me feel it in Your Presence

in Your Light

let it soak into the deepest darkest places that i did not even know were hidden

revealing all the yuck 

let it be my song

let it be my song

always.

so i'm thinking...
if joy had a motto
like a slogan sorta...
it would be this

the print was drawn by me :)
you can purchase a copy in my shop
and i will mail it to you all fancy like on some nice paper


coincidentally ... 
(don't really believe in coincidences, but anyways...)
our pastor talked about this very thing Sunday in church
and this post had been sitting in my draft folder all week

his sum up of the word joy...

" it's the internal confidence that comes from knowing & trusting God 
regardless of what's going on externally"

wurd.
hard truth.
but truth.